Wednesday, August 19, 2009

How do you mourn a food group?

I had this post entirely written out in my head late last night, but my computer was shut down, all the lights were off and I simply went to sleep. Because of this, I have ideas which were probably worded 100x better last night.

As I have gone back on a gluten free diet I find myself mourning the loss of an entire food group (or at least most of one.) I can eat a good meal without even eating any gluten replacements, I can eat a better one with some purchased or homemade treats that take away that need for bread. What I can't do is feel normal, especially when I am not home. I travel a lot, I don't go more than 2 hours away in general, but I'm gone much of the time. This makes food difficult. Instead of a joy its a struggle, that often leads to either an empty belly due to lack of food, non-filling foods or pain because somewhere someone made a mistake, probably me since I hate to make the wait staff answer questions or do special orders. Everything is a little harder and a little bit less normal.

I don't miss being sick, but I do miss light bread, or sandwhiches, doughnuts picked up when we are in the grocery store, italian food, pizza.... so many things. So how do you mourn a food group? It can't be like mourning a death, where you long for the loss to be returned and that is okay, because food will always be there, I will always have to look at it and watch people eat it and I will know I can't have it.

I think you have to mourn food like an ex boyfriend. When its still there you want it, you know its bad for you, but you still enjoy a wonderful pasta dinner, or extra cheesy bread. When its gone you miss it, but you remind yourself about how much better life is without this loser, or this evil gluten. I'm in the stage where their is grief and anger about the whole situation. I know that not eating gluten makes me feel better, I know it makes changes so drastic I went from walking with a cane because my joints hurt so bad to going without it. I also have doubt, the doctors put that doubt in my mind when I was so sure, and even though I know my body so much better than they do they keep the doubt going.

Images from the Google images Life magazine photo archive

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