Thursday, August 03, 2006

August 2, 2006. 11:15 PM

I made a huge decision today. in the morning we will see if I have the guts to carry through with it. I have spent the last few weeks not only hating and being bored to death by my job, but also feeling ill and I have been dealing with quite a few medical problems all through this year, especially this summer. Tomorrow morning as soon as I wake up the plan is to call and make a doctor's appointment to try and figure out why I feel so crappy, and why it has taken so long for my tooth problem to heal. after I do that I will call my place of employment and inform my boss that I do not feel that I am well enough to finish the summer at work and I want to use those last few weeks in figureing out what is going on with me medically. in other words i am quitting my job. I have never quit a job before. and while i think i am doing the best thing for me, the consequenses of this are looming ahead of me. I actually am feeling guilty for putting my own health and well being first.

I have wool on order and i have a feeling that i will need my own fibery brand of yoga as soon as it gets here. I spin not for yarn, or to try new things, I spin for my own well being. I spin for peace of mind. I don't really wish to keep my yarn after it is spun. I spun all week and i have very little to show for it. i gave away a good bit of my yarn and sold most of the rest.

August 3, 2006. 8:23 AM

I haven't done it yet. I'm trying to get through to my doctor, and I can't call work until 9:00. I am terrified of this. I have never ever quit a job before. Part of me feels like i shouldn't quit, and the reason i shouldn't is because they treat me well and i would tell anyone that it is a good place to work. and i know that you shouldn't quit a good job. I second guess myself at every turn and while captain boots thinks that this is a good idea, my dear mother has supported my decision while undermining it and trying to change my mind, or at least that was last night. now she is trying to get me to just take the day off and see what i feel, or just work a few days next week. She just makes it worse because I have thought and prayed and this seems to be what I have to do, and I feel topsy turvy and completely unsupported. I guess i knew boots would support me, so i took it for granted. so the people that there was actually a chance of not supporting me aren't supporting me, while claiming to support me. confusing at best.

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